I took a deep breath and a part of my heart knew this type of pain.
This desire to keep our bodies small, the many ways we pat ourselves on the back for refusing the office cake, or making it out of the café with only a coffee.

I once was a nutritionist who feared certain foods.
I feared they would make me sick, I feared I wouldn’t look the part;
Worried I would be taken less seriously for engaging in sugary baked goods. I posted laughing photos with my hands around green vegetables and believed that food in packets was harmful. Oh how harmful I was to myself.

For the best part of 10 years I have had the privilege of listening to women’s stories. I have sat and endured words used to describe bodies that I would not repeat. The loathing, the distaste; the punishment. I’ve worked with women who haven’t allowed joy within their food choices for 15 years. Women who spend most waking moments consumed by what passes their lips.

I’ve been so thin I couldn’t get warm.
So lightheaded I’ve had to lie down.
So angry at my body for not conforming to the ridiculous standards I was placing upon it.
I’ve eaten only vegetables, avoided anything processed and still did not find happiness or worth within myself on the other side of it all.

I regularly share with my clients that happiness isn’t on the other side of losing weight. It doesn’t lie beyond those 8 kilograms, it doesn’t surface because you said no to cake and it isn’t wrapped up in fitting back into your jeans.
I worked with a client a few years ago who continually shared with me her desire to lose 12 kilos. This number surfaced in multiple appointments and hung over her head like a target. I queried it; to be told that this was where she felt her body wanted to be. We worked slowly, implemented loving change and months later, we reached her goal. She sat opposite me, solemnly. ‘Before I was fat and sad, now I am just sad; just sad in smaller jeans’.

It won’t fix your displeasure for yourself.
It won’t improve your relationships or instantly make you love your job.
This I can assure you; this I have observed time and time again.

It takes the small moments of quietly being with you. A hand on your heart, a slow breath, a small bite, a little lust, a belief that this is ok.
It takes ordering the muffin at the café and knowing that it’s a beautiful moment. It is right there within your robust period bleed, your exuberant amounts of energy and your fire that wont be dimmed. It’s the nourishment that comes from acceptance. The ease that is found in simply allowing.
Allowing the breakfast you so feel like. Allowing a croissant on a Sunday morning with your lover or an ice cream on a warm summers day. It’s within the understanding that food is food; chocolate is chocolate, broccoli is broccoli, salmon is salmon. Not good, nor bad, but neutral. Its recognising that everything has a place. You have a place. You have a place.

It demands you to be gentle. Kind. Loving. To take small steps and at the start, small bites. It recognises that joy is something we so deserve.

Daily.

Penned by Elle Brown

Elle Brown is a Women’s wellness nutritionist, specialising in female fatigue, hormone health, emotional health and eating behaviours; binge eating and body system balance.
With 10 years experience working in the health space, Elle is passionate about education and empowerment.
Known for unearthing the root cause, finding the ‘why’ and implementing attainable and practical strategies, Elle works closely with her clients to feel supported, heard and encouraged on their journey to health and wellness.
Elle endeavours to impart that food is not simply for fuel and often shares the importance of ‘joy’ within food choices; for health, happiness and energy! Elle has completed a Bachelor of Health Science in Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine and is currently completing a Masters at Deakin University in Human Nutrition and Research. Forever committed to continual learning, Elle has completed further study in the emotional body and binge eating space and is a chai, chocolate and peanut butter enthusiast; feeling most at home by the ocean.