Hello me, I think it’s time we get to know each other.

As I get older, I realise that wading through mud and getting dirty is just as important as lying in the sun. Or in the snow, if the sun is not your thing… Yes, some people don’t like the sun, it shocked me too. Mud can get on your face, in your shoes, and sometimes you can get stuck in it. But if you can wash the cracked mud off your pores and feel your freshly cleaned face you will see it was worth the muck in every possible way.

The mud I am talking about is the parts of ourselves that we may try to hide from, pretend don’t exist, forget to acknowledge or let take over us. The mud that is our triggers, our pain, our grief, our traumas and our past experiences that have burnt us that affect our present.

As humans, we are incredibly clever. We can make sourdough in a snap lockdown, we can learn to snowboard overseas in the winter, we can juggle kids and three jobs as a single mum, and we can figure out how to run triathlons.

But, we are also very clever at bullshit. At carefully treading in a tightrope around the things sitting just beneath the surface. All the things that murmur, make noises and swim up to the surface. The question is, will you give them air?

Just like clothes in our bedroom, we shove into our cupboard for weeks (no, those lululemon Wunder Unders are not going to wash themselves) the more we try to push our triggers and trauma away from sight the more they fester and push themselves out to eventually overflow at the wrong time, in the wrong way.

We need, and can and DO have the strength to Marie Kondo the shit out of ourselves and be proud, but in control of the things that trigger us. For example, if you have been cheated on before and you know dishonesty is a big trigger for you, then it is absolutely fair enough to be maybe a bit wearier of Giovanni the chef who lives with his mum and you are on your third date.

But it is NOT okay to go through his phone and accuse him of kissing another woman when he has been at the movies with his mates. We all need to protect ourselves, and this is our fight or flight response kicking in to survive. But are your barriers realistic? Fair? Needed at all?

There are a couple of ways we can learn about the impacts of trauma on our brains, bodies and relationships.

There is also a whole heap of information on trauma-informed care and this can be found on google, within services, recommended by therapists or even on our favourite addictive vortex of Instagram.

I recommend researching Attachment Theory and its impacts on relationships, the impact of trauma on our mind, and looking at pages like @millennial.therapist or… MINE! @bfeels_counsellor and if there is anything, in particular, you would like to know about trauma and how it is embodied in our present self please reach out. I am quite nice sometimes.